


Apathy's

by Shay_Nioum



Series: Apathy [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Apathy!Logan, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not canon to actual story, One Word Prompts, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tumblr Prompt, prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-18 14:12:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15487608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: This is another series of prompts based on my Blank series, all revolving around Apathy!Logan, angst, fluff, and all else ensue. To send me a prompt the link to my Tumblr is in my bio.





	1. Crush

“What is this?” Apathy’s monotone voice barely rose above what would be considered a normal conversational tone, this let Roman know well enough that this was Apathy’s version of surprise as he stared down at the gift that was resting delicately in the creative side’s hands. The brief blinking and the slight tilt of Apathy’s head, was enough to tell Roman that he could go ahead and explain it.

“This,” He gestured to the fuzzy plush in his hands with an almost proud smirk on his face as Apathy seemed to regard it much more closely this time. “Is a stuffed narwhal, they’re small arctic whales that have horns.” He beamed up at Apathy, watching the other squint his eyes for a moment regarding the stuffed creature almost coldly for a moment.

“Are you sure that you meant to give this to me? Wouldn’t this suit someone like Mor..I mean Patton or even An..Virgil a lot more? Even Logan might appreciate this more than me, I’m just…” I’m just me. Was left completely unsaid and yet Roman’s expression softened so much more than before as he held it out to Apathy once more. His expression seemingly said it all, and yet Apathy didn’t dare to take the grey plush although his fingers did move the slightest bit towards it. He wouldn’t be taking it without explicit permission.

“Which is why you need it even more Apep. Patton has tons of stuffed animals, and this is too light for Virgil’s room. He’s perfect for you, you can name him and everything!” Roman grinned widely again, and this time Roman steeled himself as he reached forward with his other hand, delicately grabbing Apathy’s wrist all while bracing himself for the coldness that clung to Apathy’s skin. It slammed into him like a truck, and he had to fight down the shudder that swept through him as he put the plushie into Apathy’s hands. “He’s yours.”

Apathy though, almost instantly within the first few seconds of feeling Roman’s burning and yet easily warm hands, snatched his own hands back as he stepped back. As the creative side’s sash dulled in color and his colorful hair started to droop like he had just been shoved into the shower, and before it could could so much as get worse, Apathy jerked his hands away clutching the narwhal plush tight. “Do not touch me Cre..Roman, you know what happens when you do.” He sourly muttered, his eyes drifted down to the plush in his hands, and his lips pulled into a deep frown as his shoulders sagged. The grey fabric, upon just touching Apathy now looked aged and faded, although the same grey color had definitely stayed around. “I…” Apathy paused for a moment, his freezing cold fingers drifting over the button eyes, “I appreciate this Roman, thank you.” He simply replied, his fingers still tingled from where the creative side’s warmth lingered just faintly.

However, it was upon looking up and seeing Roman beaming and somewhat tearful face smiling back at him did Apathy take another step back from him. The tingles in his hand were starting to burn now, and it slowly crawled up his arm, up until he could feel the burning warmth on his face, or rather…his cheeks.

“I must go.” He hastily departed himself from where Roman was standing, sinking down hastily he completely missed the pink flustered look that had crossed the creative side as he left.

Upon entering his room, the stark blankness of the walls, and the soft greyness of the carpets allowed a momentary sense of reprieve from the raging heat that had burned its way up his arm and that had lingered for so long onto his face. Staring down at the plushie that Roman had picked out and created for him, Apathy ran his fingers over the aged wool and the button eyes again. It was feathery soft against his fingers, almost like he was holding a cloud itself.

 _He made you a gift…_  The familiar voice whispered in his ear, and almost at once Apathy felt an empty but still somehow well-meaning smile slip onto his face. “Logan.” He whispered in an almost tender fashion, had he been able to feel anything at all.  _You should make him something in return, something that means a lot to you…something you know that he will like._ Apathy could practically feel the presence of Logan standing behind him, and the ghost of a hand hovering over his shoulder as well.

“But…I don’t want to…do I?” Apathy muttered more or less to himself, his eyebrows scrunched together in almost a mocking show of worry, although what for he wasn’t entirely sure of as of yet.

_You do, Apathy…and it is polite to do so. Also, it is fairly obvious but…Roman likes you. As in likes you, likes you._

“He what?!” Apathy hissed, turning on his heel spinning around to where Logan’s very presence could be felt, just to see that nothing remained. He was, of course, absolutely alone now.

“Roman likes me…do I…no I don’t like him. I am Apathy, I feel nothing!” Apathy muttered to himself, pacing back and forth. His footprints that he left in the carpet grew in numbers as he went back and forth so many times that he may as well have worn a patch into his carpet. “I feel…” Looking down at his hand that had been clasped in Roman’s not even ten minutes ago, Apathy didn’t feel so sure anymore.

If he wasn’t Apathy…then who was he if he felt such things as love, and had things such as crushes?

Turning on his heel, Apathy turned to the corner of his room, the corner which held something that he hadn’t used in…in well a long time.

“What’s this?” Roman asked, surprise clear on his face as he stared back at what Apathy as the emotionless, or at least the perceived emotionless side held out for him. Roman’s eyes held an insane amount of astonishment as he gazed back at it, but even so, he reached forward. Taking it from Apathy with all of the care in the world.

“It’s-” Apathy began, just to feel his tongue grow heavy in his mouth as Roman beamed at him, the festering warmth was back somehow.

“You painted for me?” Roman practically squealed at him, and right then and there he wanted nothing more than to crush Apathy in a massive hug, however, taking into consideration that Apathy was almost deathly allergic to touch he settled for hugging the painting that was detail for detail, the perfect painting of the Hogwarts castle. “I love it!” He beamed back at Apathy, watching as the other paused for a moment before suddenly moving forward.

It was then that Roman noted Apathy was wearing thick wintertime gloves, and it was then that those gloves covered Roman’s mouth and a cold mouth pressed against the back of his hand.

Kissing Roman with absolutely no contact whatsoever.


	2. Isolation

“No no no…” Apathy muttered as he gripped large chunks of his hair tugging and pulling at them with a surprising amount of force behind each tug. “Logan no-” He managed to get out, his knees quaked under him, his muscles spasming in gut-wrenchingly painful cramps as his knees landed with a solid thump on the floor of his bedroom. His hunched shoulder moved up even more as he finally released his hair, instead he ended up wrapping his arms around himself as if that would somehow act as a hug.

There were so many of them, so many memories of Logan in isolation, and so many memories of Logan dealing with his many emotions by himself.

His muscles jerked and spasmed,  _Why? Why do they have to me so mean to me? I want what’s best for them and Thomas, so what if I don’t get some emotions? I want what’s best, we can’t always focus on the good side of things! Why..why doesn’t anyone ever listen to me?! Why am I always so alone?!_ Logan’s wail vibrated inside of Apathy’s head, and the staticy presence he felt next to him seemed to come and go a lot.

Apathy couldn’t even touch Logan, and yet he still felt the raw emotions raking a path of destruction through him,  _Why are we always alone? Why..why?_  The smell of salt alluded Apathy to the fact that water stained his face, he in no way felt sad or in any way affected by Logan’s emotions on a personal level, but even so they still caused a physical disturbance through the both of them.

There was nothing he could do to make Logan feel better, no bland lie that could be spoken from him to make the logical side feel better about what had just happened. Logan was alone…and he was alone too.

“You aren’t Logan! So don’t even try to take his place! You don’t belong here with us, so either give him back, or just leave!” Virgil had barked out to him, the anxious side’s face contorting in pure unadulterated rage as he stood toe to toe with Apathy, who had been standing there looking as blank as ever without a single emotion on his face. Logan had liked to joke that he had no emotions, but he’d always somehow had something visible either in his eyes, or on his face. While Apathy…Apathy was the perfect example of a being without even the slightest hint of passion or feelings, if anything he seemed like a slap in the face to who Logan used to be.

He at least used to get excited about small things like his series that he liked to watch, or even the Astronomy class that he had wanted Thomas to take in the fall semester of college.

With Apathy…they knew nothing, and he gave nothing.

In the end, Apathy was left here in his own room, curling into himself as Logan’s tears trailed down his face, and all he could do to hold himself together, was to literally hold himself together as he curled up into the tightest ball that he could as he muffled his sobs by pressing his wet face into the carpet.

The tears weren’t his own, but the only thing that he could even do was to let Logan have momentary control and to get it all out of his system for the time being. After all, it was only just the two of them, Morality wouldn’t come in here all smiles to see if he was alright. Anxiety wouldn’t knock on the door to ask if he needed some reprieve from working so much, and Creativity wouldn’t come in to drag them away from the desk that they had worked all night at, he wouldn’t take them to his room of imagination.

Because, he was Apathy, and as Apathy, they were completely and utterly alone.

So there he laid, in total isolation, as the tears finally stopped, and when he could finally move his muscles again. It was hard at first, getting into a standing position. In fact, he nearly fell on his face the first few times, but once he had it. Apathy heaved himself up onto the end of his bed, stretching his legs out as hs throbbing muscles ached like nothing ever before.

“Relax Logan, go back to sleep. I am here to take care of the job, and their words do not hurt me any. You may have been alone before, but I am here now, and I will not leave you to your isolation like they may have. I am here.” His words did seem to do some good after all, even if his voice was completely unchanging and blank as he spoke. The tears eventually lessened, to the point of where they were practically nonexistent. Gradually after a few minutes of lingering, he felt something brush against his messy hair, something akin to fingers running through his hair, before it too faded away.

Leaving him completely alone, but he was fine. He could deal with the isolation in a way that Logan had been so utterly weak to.

“I will be fine.” Apathy repeated, and whether it was a truth or a lie was left unknown. Because even he wasn’t so sure about that.


	3. Home

“What do you think he’s doing out here?” A soft voice stirred Apathy awake, although it was shortly followed by another before he could even begin to open his eyes.

“Well, he’s obviously sleeping Patton-cake.”

“Yes but why? He looks so uncomfortable here, shouldn’t he be…I don’t know, sleeping on his bed?” Patton, or as Apathy liked to call him, Morality. Warm fingers brushed over his hair, sweeping back the bangs that had fallen in front of his face, Morality’s fingers were almost burning hot to Apathy, although his skin more than likely felt ice cold to the moral judging by the hastiness of Morality moving his hand away. That and the fact that just skin on skin contact was enough to make the color drain from Morality’s fingers.

“You’ve woken him up now.” When the softer and yet definitely more firm tone spoke up and once the moral side moved his hand away, Apathy finally cracked his black eyes open.

Above him was a sea of blobs that he had no way of distinguishing aside from the three shades he associated the other side’s with, calmly reaching his hand out he grasped for the glasses he had left on the coffee table. Just for the light blue blob to move sliding them over to his hand, so that he could finally slip his glasses back on into place. The image then became crystal clear. Morality’s worried yet smiling expression seemed to be the prevailing one as he hovered nervously over Apathy, while Creativity stood beside him with a slight frown on his face, and Anxiety…Anxiety looked almost bored to be there. Not that Apathy could blame them too much.

“What are you all doing?” Apathy tiredly intoned, tugging the blanket more firmly around his shoulders as he sat up on the couch in the living room. Falling asleep had been an accident, let alone being woken up by the three stooges in front of him.

“Well, kiddo…” Morality rubbed his hands uneasily together for a second, “We were coming down to have family night, and you were here asleep. So-”

Ah, now he got it.

“I shall move then. I do not want to impede your movie night, I shall return to my bedroom.” Apathy blandly interrupted, moving his feet to the floor and already moving to stand up when Anxiety out of everyone there hastily pushed him back down when Morality started to hastily shake his head in denial.

“No kiddo no!” The moral side argued, waving his hands around as if to stop Apathy from going anywhere without trying to touch him in the process. “We were just worried about you is all…you don’t spend a lot of time in your room. And when you sleep…we noticed that you constantly sleep out here. We..we’ve been meaning to ask about it, but…” Morality shuffled his hands together again, seeming to apparently lose his nerve to come out and say just what he wanted to say at the moment.

“What Padre means to ask Apep, is there something wrong with your room?” Morality looked relieved once Creativity spoke up, and sliding his dead-eyed expression over to the princely side, Apathy gave an almost tired shrug in reply. Once that did neither confirm nor deny anything about his room, not that the others even knew anything about it.

“Why should you three care?” It was a simple question, and yet Anxiety’s expression almost instantly morphed into something along the lines of regret and shame.

“Because…” Morality began his bottom lip trembling, the only sign that he might be about to cry because of Apathy’s words. Not that he had meant to make Morality cry, by any means. It had just been a question.

“Because this is your home now, and if something is wrong then we want to know.” Anxiety finished for him, as it didn’t look like Morality would be able to. Although, both Morality and Creativity nodded in agreement with his words.

A bland frown tugged on Apathy’s lips as he tilted his head to the side at the statement, Home? This was his home now? The idea seemed utterly ridiculous if he was being honest, this was a temporary place, and truth be told, he wasn’t at all certain that he would even be wanted here when Logan came back. However, judging by the warm smile on Morality’s face, the rugged grin on Creativity’s, and Anxiety’s somewhat accepting look. He still had a little left to learn from these three idiots.

“It’s…” Apathy paused for a moment, attempting to find the correct words in order to string his sentence along. “My room is cold, and empty.” He explained, now standing up for the second time, this time Anxiety allowed it as he watched their three faces drop in what must have been the expression of shock. “It’s warmer out here.”

A little wave was all that he gave them as he led them along, traveling upstairs and to the door that had once been Logan’s. The blue paint that had once been speckled with a freckling of stars and constellations, was completely chipping and peeling away to reveal a plain white door with a grey name written in an average font. Apathy. He didn’t care about using his real name or his title, in all honestly neither mattered that much to him really, he was here and they could refer to him as whichever.

However, turning the silver knob he threw open the door, revealing a stark white room, with soft grey carpeting. The bed that had been shoved into the corner was a twin sized bed with plain white sheets and a single pillow, it looked just about as comfortable as a cinderblock. In the other corner of his room was an abandoned easel with dried up brushes and no paint. Other than that, there wasn’t a thing in sight, if anything the room was so bright that it hurt to even have the lights on.

“You paint?!” Creativity was the one who spoke up first as Anxiety and Morality shared a glance, excitement coated Creativity’s voice as he darted into the room, observing the old canvas that a perfect image of a rainy day painted on it. It was all in shades of grey. “This is fantastic! Can you teach me how to paint like you do, the clouds look so real, and the lightning! Oh, glorious!” Creativity gushed openly about the painting as he gingerly ran his fingers over the old dried paint on the canvas.

“I…” Apathy began, just to snap his head over to Anxiety as he roughly sat on the other’s bed, just to instantly grimace and immediately stand back up.

“Well kiddo, I think I know where to start.” Morality stepped up next to him, his hand hovering over Apathy’s shoulder in a tender fashion as he shot the emotionless side a tiny grin. “Maybe a heater or two, a softer set of sheets and a mattress. Maybe even a little bit more furniture to make this place really seem like home. And-”

“Why?” Apathy’s softly asked question garnered the all of the other side’s attention almost instantly, as Creativity stopped his gushing, Anxiety looked over to him with an eye-full of sympathy..a familiar kind of sympathy, while Creativity’s shoulders seemed to droop downwards in a feeling that looked somewhat similar to guilt. “Why do you three care so much? Why do you three care about how comfortable I am?”

Moving rather slowly, as if approaching a nervous or timid animal that could strike out at any given moment, Anxiety let his hands hover just a hairs breathe above Apathy’s shoulder. “Because Apep, we care, and like it or not. This is your home..this is your home and we are all committed to making you feel comfortable in it. You live here, and you live with us. So why wouldn’t we want to make you feel safe and comfortable in your own home?”

Wetness stained Apathy’s face, a rare warmth that he had never felt before dripping down one of his cheeks as he stared up at Anx...Virgil.


	4. Silence/Solitude

The silence of Apathy’s room would have been overwhelming had it been anyone but the side in question, the air almost seemed to ring with how quiet it was in his room. Not that he minded it all that much, downstairs he could hear the other three sides laughing away as they talked and interacted, something that Apathy himself even seemed bad at. His words were blunt, and he wasn’t very good at emulating even basic human emotions, and thus the others got..angry when he wasn’t too good at it. Not that he could blame them, he was the substitute for the time being while Logan…Logan was the prime original.

Not that he blamed Logan either, in fact, it was nearly impossible for him to blame Logan for this. If anything he knew that his own solitude was equal parts his and the others’ fault. A change was not something that they were particularly well adept at dealing with, and Apathy…Apathy was just someone who was a wild card. They couldn’t deal with him, because there was no way TO deal with him.

Nevertheless, Apathy set his paper down before standing up, pressing his ear to the door he heard the chattering continuing downstairs. Should he attempt to break his solitude? Would they welcome him? Or would they continue to scorn him for who he was?

Well, there was only one way to find out, and it was useless to just stand here wondering what it would be.

It was a very good thing that he was incapable of feeling such things as nervousness or even fear, as he went for the knob of his plain white door, turning it with ease before stepping out into the hall. Peering down the stairway so that only the side of his head was visible, Apathy watched them like a hawk. They were huddled together talking to one another, they looked somewhat serious, if Apathy absolutely had to put a name to the emotion that they were exuding in waves. They did all look rather serious about something.

Whatever it was, it was of no consequence to him, and once again without a single hint of fear or worry, he stepped out. He could feel their eyes burning into him, or rather he was aware that they were watching his every step as he walked past them. He was down here, and they had most definitely seen him. Yet he continued to walk on, silence filling the mindscape as none of them made a single sound, and nobody even attempted to say anything to him as he opened the fridge.

The first thing that he laid his hands on was what he grabbed, a plain salad, not that he cared enough to even grab some dressing to go along with it. Snatching up a fork, he once again moved past the other sides, their eyes still judging his every move, as if he would suddenly strike out at them like a cobra and infect them with his venom.

They weren’t entirely wrong though.

Nevertheless, he walked past them, only offering them a slight glance before he just continued to walk, one step in front of the other. One at a time.

“Thank goodness for that.” He heard Anxiety mumble, relief clear in his voice and from the silence along with the slight movement from the corner of his eyes he saw the others nod their head in agreement.

Had he emotions, then Apathy would have felt hurt by that, he probably would have cried, or maybe even yelled at them in retaliation. Honestly, it was a little hard to know what he would honestly do if he really had emotions, it was hard to imagine the impossible.

No, instead he marched onward, pretending as if he hadn’t heard a single thing as he went back to the solitude and silence of his bedroom. Sinking down onto his uncomfortable bed, he forked in the leafy greens that were turning grey faster and faster inside the physical presence of his room, it tasted like nothing to him, but even so, he didn’t care at all. He didn’t need to taste, and he didn’t need to experience flavor. Food was sustenance, so what it tasted like was of no consequence to him.

Especially here…here where he was alone.


	5. Sick

The very moment that Apathy opened his eyes he knew that it was going to be an absolutely awful day for him. 

His throat felt like he had simultaneously swallowed razor blades and then washed them down with a nice pint of lemon juice mixed with saltwater to add a nice stinging burn to it every time he swallowed. Laying on his bed only even made him feel worse too, it was all lumpy as if someone had filled his mattress with uneven rocks during the night and had thought that he wouldn’t notice. On top of the fact that he felt way too hot for his own good, even his simple sheet was too much for him, and he was already sweating buckets of sweat, his main comforter kicked onto the floor sometime in the night. 

He swallowed instinctively, and already he had to fight down a whimper of pain as he got up. The moment that he stood up tossing the sheet from his sweaty skin, Apathy felt a chill descend over him, and just like that he was freezing cold as he rubbed his bare arms. 

“No short sleeve shirt today.” He blandly mumbled to himself, wincing at faint raspy huskiness of his own voice, peeling the grey worn shirt off. Apathy tossed it to the side, he didn’t have to look over there to know that it had vanished just like everything did when he no longer wanted it around. 

It took a lot longer than he would have liked to summon his new shirt, as the chronic pain deep inside of his itching burning throat was a constant distraction for him. So when the warm soft long sleeve shirt finally appeared into his hands Apathy wasted no time slipping it on immediately, the pitch blackness of it was a tad bit different than his usual pale style and it did make his skin look a little bit more unhealthily pale. However, for the warmth that it gave him, it was something that was well worth it. So now, rubbing his hands up and down his covered arms, he felt his back relax, although his aching muscles certainly didn’t. 

Perhaps breakfast would help. 

One pair of plain grey slippers later on top of a pair of woolen socks, Apathy eventually made his way down the stairs, where chattering could be heard from the other sides as they served themselves at the dinner table. Of course, Patton had cooked again, the smell of bacon and syrupy french toast with a side of eggs would have smelled great any other day. However, today, Apathy felt his stomach roll in revulsion at the smell, nevertheless, he sat down at the end of the table sticking two pieces of french toast with his fork as well as a slice of bacon. Not that he’d be able to taste it anyway. 

“Apathy...you okay kiddo?” It was Patton who noticed the sickly pallor of their newest guest, as Apathy just stood there just outside of the dining room before eventually joining them at the table. He didn’t look like he was enjoying breakfast too much, as he slowly cut his food up taking the smallest of bites before visibly wincing as he swallowed. 

“I-” Apathy quickly snapped his mouth shut, as the memory of his scratchy voice came back to him, it would be a dead give away to someone like Patton. So quickly he instead nodded his head, feeling something curdling in his stomach...was it? No that was impossible, there was no way that it could be that. Especially not over something so small.

“Nah Pat, he’s just a little salty that he doesn’t look as good as me in black.” Virgil playfully smirked back at Apathy, clearly teasing the other as he went on. “I’ve got style, him...not so much.” 

That was it. 

A sniffle broke Virgil’s little smirk right in half as his head snapped over to Apathy no longer looking at Patton or Roman anymore, as his expression morphed into one of sheer horror. 

Tears slowly trickled down Apathy’s face, no matter the effort that the other made to try and wipe them away. His breathing shuddered again and again, as if he just couldn’t get in enough oxygen as the tears continuously streamed down his face like a river of saltwater and regret. 

_ Oh dear… _ Logan’s voice gingerly murmured in his ear, but even that sounded incredibly distorted and warbled. Like a layer of cotton was pressing against his ears, it muffled even the sound of Virgil’s chair scraping against the floor.  _ This isn’t supposed to happen. I’m Apathy, I’m not supposed to feel, I’m not supposed to cry, and I’m not supposed to let this happen! I’m Apathy!  _ He repeated this over and over to himself, and yet it didn’t help the building emotions that laid themselves on his chest like a massive cinder block. His stomach churned from all of it, swirling around and around like one massive tornado of mistakes. When he felt the warm touch,  _ suffocatingly warm, _  one on his shoulder and the other on his forehead. It was too warm..too warm! 

“Pat, he’s got a fever!” Virgil cursed to himself, of course, Apathy was sick. When Roman got sick had his creative blocks, and even his personality seemed to do a complete change of itself. He’d never seen Patton sick before, but Logan...Logan reacted just about the same as Apathy was. 

“Get him to his room Virge, I’ll..I’ll get him something right away.” Patton worriedly mumbled, shooting Roman a thankful look as the creative side grasped Apathy instead, easily lifting the usually emotionless side up into his arms like some princess. Apathy, in turn, sniffled again, the tears lessoning now as he sloppily wrapped his arms around Roman’s shoulders. 

“My prince…” Apathy slurred, his head thumping against Roman’s chest, making the prince in question worriedly share a look with Virgil as he carefully climbed the steps.

“Thanks.” He whispered to Virgil, as the anxious side kept the door open, neatly tucking Apathy into his bed once Roman laid him down on the lumpy bed. Summoning one of his own feathery soft blankets, that was a stark red in contrast to the rest of the blank and washed out room. Roman smoothly covered Apathy up, waiting by his side as Virgil placed a cool cloth on Apathy’s forehead.

After a while, Patton’s footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs, in tow he carried a platter of saltine crackers and a container of warm chicken broth. 

“Hey, there kiddo.” Patton warmly smiled down at Apathy, getting a mere whine in return as Patton soaked the washcloth again reapplying it after having set the food on Apathy’s nightstand.

“Pattie…” Patton felt himself stiffen almost instantly at Logan’s rare and yet beloved nickname for him. “I don’t feel good.” A tender smile curled onto his lips as he sat himself down next to the emotionless side, before he brought his lips down on Apathy’s feverish forehead.

“Don’t worry,” Patton murmured, “We’re all here to take care of you.”


	6. Sad Cactus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, someone actually sent me a prompt called Sad Cactus. And I made it into angst/fluff!

It was nighttime when Apathy finally slunk out of his room, just about every light in the mindscape had been turned off, aside from the hallway light that acted as Anxiety’s nightlight, it illuminated a good portion of the stairs for Apathy. Letting him slink around in the darkness like a panther stalking through the trees of the rainforest, he was relatively quiet as well with every now and then a floorboard creaking under his feet. 

Even so, he did not let a little sound deter him from his ultimate mission. 

When the carpet finally brushed against the bottom of his slipper covered feet, Apathy knew that he was getting close, his target was almost near. Sliding his feet over the carpet, evenly distributing his weight so that the floor would no longer creak Apathy reached for the doorknob. 

Gripping the warm metal loosely, he turned it slowly. Going just a little bit at a time until the door was finally open, squeezing himself through the narrow gap, he silently shut the door. Letting the lock click back into place.

Little bits of nostalgia glowing like little fairy lights bumped into his shoulders, but otherwise rolled right off of him, with no emotion to play off of the warm happy memories of Patton’s room was otherwise powerless against him. So with that, he moved forward again, heading right for the softly breathing lump on the bed that had pokemon sheets on, with a power rangers comforter, and Digimon pillowcases. It was practically soaked in the things that Thomas had loved as a child, but even so, Apathy paid it no mind as he loomed ominously over Patton.

One second stretched to another, before he finally reached forward, his hand hovered over Patton’s head, before it instantly went down tugging at one of the sheets that were tucked under Patton’s chin. 

No reaction, so another tug was granted, and then another and another.

“Wha the…” When Patton finally cracked his eyes open, blearily looking up at the blur of grey above him in a haze of sleep that was instantly dashed away, he hastily scrambled to grab for his glasses. His fingers fumbled over the tiny little trinkets on his nightstand, before he finally managed to seize his glasses. He nearly poked himself in the eye trying to put them on in such a hurry. 

Just to see Apathy looming over him like some specter of dismal darkness, it took real effort to not shriek out loud and wake everyone in the entire mindscape up. 

“Ap...what the heck are you doing here?! You should be asleep!” Patton scolded, swallowing back the fear that had risen up in his throat at the sight of Apathy’s unblinking and seemingly uncaring expression, nevertheless, Patton heaved out a sigh pinching the bridge of his nose before he looked up at Apathy with a rather patient expression. Imploring Apathy to tell him just what he was doing here, and just why it was this late at night. 

“I think my cactus is sad Morality.” And almost instantly Patton felt more confused than ever.

“I...what?” Patton shook his head, hoping that he had heard Apathy wrong, or perhaps that Apathy was just sleepwalking and talking, so that they really weren’t having this conversation in his bedroom. 

“I had an unpleasant dream, and I usually get up to tend to the plant life that Creativity gifted me with, except...this is what has become of it.” Apathy explained, and summoning said plant into his hands, Patton’s eyebrows shot right up at the sight of the cactus that had fallen over onto its side. Looking a lot more like a deflated balloon than any kind of plant now.

“Oh...oh kiddo.” Patton felt his insides drop almost as soon as he realized it, he didn’t know... Apathy didn’t know that the cactus was dead, and thus...he was either going to have to break the news to him, or...lie.

“I am not well versed in plant life, and I am of the understanding that you are. I apologize for waking you at this hour, I would just...I would like to know how to fix my sad cactus.” Apathy brushed his fingers over the bristles of his cactus, not seeing at that moment how Patton’s expression looked so physically pained. 

“Oh kiddo…” Patton paused again, he knew very well that Apathy couldn’t feel sadness and yet...the mere idea of bluntly telling Apathy that he had killed his own plant was just something that caused him more pain the more he did. He couldn’t do it, no matter what he just couldn’t do it. “It’s  just...a little sick is all. It needs some sunlight and plant food, along with warm temperatures. How about,” Patton uncovered his legs, revealing his spiderman pajama bottoms, before getting up to his feet as he gingerly took the plant from Apathy. “You can take care of one of my aloe plants, and I’ll help you find him a nice place to rest while I take care of yours?” Patton offered Apathy a tiny warm smile as he set the drooping cactus on his desk, instead, Patton leaned over to his own window sill that he had imagined into his room a pretty long time ago, picking up one of his vibrant aloe plants. 

The pot was a deep blue, and the plant was obviously in great health. 

“Here.” Setting the plant into Apathy’s waiting hands, Patton beamed at him brightly, before he gripped the loose hem of Apathy’s shirt, rather than taking his hand like he would have done with any of the other sides. 

Leading Apathy back to his room, so that they could create together. 


	7. Soul

“So explain to me what I am supposed to be doing again?” Apathy blandly asked with a single eyebrow raised, he certainly didn’t look all that enthused about what he was doing, but then again he hardly looked like that with anything. 

Nevertheless, Patton grinned at him as he took in the sight of Apathy wearing rubber food-safe gloves that went all the way up to his elbows, “You’re supposed to put your love into the food that you make, you need to put your soul into it.” He explained gesturing to the mixture of cookie dough sitting in the bowl awaiting the mini chocolate chips that were going to go in there at any second. Yet Apathy still didn’t seem to completely get it, as his eyebrow raised just a fraction higher, as he tilted his head back looking at Patton like he was the insane one here.

“A...soul?” Apathy blandly asked pursing his lips together for a moment, his arms crossed over his chest as he slowly tapped his bare foot against the tiled kitchen floor. “I thought that it was agreed that I didn’t have one.” 

The bowl that Patton had been holding clattered down on the counter with a loud rattling noise, that made even Apathy flinch at the loud noise that felt a little bit too loud for him. Dragging his gaze from the bowl over to Patton, Apathy blinked a few times, a look of muted surprise on his face.

Patton looked furious. 

“Who told you that?” The moral side demanded as he stepped forward, “Who told you that you didn’t have a soul?” It perplexed Apathy to see Patton getting so worked up over something as simple as this, just a few muttered words had changed the moral side in such a way. Patton usually seemed to be the calming side, whereas Roman and Virgil were the louder ones who would use force if necessary. Yet...Patton seemed all too ready to throw down.

“Nobody…” Apathy muttered, “I just thought that it was an understood thing.” He aloofly shrugged his shoulders a little bit before glancing away. “To feel emotions..you’ve got to have a soul right? Well, I don’t have one then, I’m Apathy. So it just makes sense, so you don’t need to lie or to sugar coat things for me. I’m just...not an emotional person, and I’m just...soulless.” He explained, but even that explanation seemed to upset Patton more and more, Apathy didn’t get it.

“Listen to Apep...kiddo…” Patton stepped closer, and almost reflexively Apathy took a step back, even if his hands and a good portion of his forearms were covered he definitely didn’t want to chance it. He stiffed as Patton reached forward, just to feel his warm fingers hooking lightly around Apathy’s fingers. A slight tingle was all that he felt, but otherwise, he was alright. “You have...interests, right? You paint, you cook with me when you can, and you draw. Whether you like it or not...those are passions you have. Ever since I started teaching you how to cook you haven’t missed a single lesson.” Patton firmly told him, the pad of his thumb tracing over one of Apathy’s knuckles. “Even when you were sick, you crawled out of your room and down those stairs when you felt awful. You have a soul, passion belongs in the soul, and if you have passions then-”

Already apathy was shaking his head in denial, and yet Patton carried on anyway.

“If you have passions, then why is it so hard to believe that you have a soul?” The moral side gently asked, and yet Apathy could only shake his head in denial. 

“Because of what? Because of the fact that you're Apathy? Your title is as much you as you make of it kiddo, when Virgil first showed up, do you think that he liked doing calming techniques and yoga right off the bat? You’re allowed to break your mold Apep. You and…” Here Patton went silent, as he dropped his fingers from Apathy’s as a mournful heartbroken expression crossed his face. 

_ He means me.  _ The staticy whisper in his ear of Logan’s voice, audible to Apathy and Apathy alone, made him glance to the side. _ He...regrets not trying to help me more, and he...he’s sad that I am no longer around. So that he could tell me himself…  _ That made sense, and glancing down at Patton, Apathy couldn’t help the frown that tugged at his lips before he reached up, carding his gloved fingers through Patton’s hair. The sensation sent a race of tingles up his arms, something that for now he entirely ignored as he allowed Patton’s forehead to rest on the center of his chest.  _ Tell him...not to be sorry. I am here, and I am learning with you. _ The emotion in Logan’s voice felt impossible to place, and yet Apathy nodded regardless.

“Morality,” Apathy began, garnering Patton’s gaze as the moral side glanced up at him with saddened eyes, “Logan says...that he is here too. He is here with me, and every step of the way he is learning with me. So do not be sorry, he is here.” In an action mirroring the first time he had ever shown himself to the other sides, Apathy’s brushed his thumb over Patton’s cheek, brushing away the single tears that had been about to drip down Patton’s cheek. “So let’s put some love and soul into these cookies, yeah?”

The smile he received, and the swell of Logan’s emotions inside of him made Apathy crack the tiniest smile possible, and yet that seemed to be enough for Patton as he linked his fingers with Apathy’s giving them a momentary squeeze before letting them go. Turning back to the cookie mixture, Apathy watched as Patton took the massive bag of mini chocolate chips, dumping them all in it. His cheerful energy renewed. 

Perhaps he did or didn’t have a soul, who was he to say? However, so long as he had Logan to explain things, and Patton to ease him through them. Then maybe he didn’t need to have one. 


	8. Ghost

In many cases, Apathy felt like a ghost.

He couldn’t feel anything, the taste of anything was obviously not a part of his palette,  his limit of what he could actually touch was actually rather short, and...it felt like almost no one really seemed to look at him. Instead, it seemed like they always looked right through him if they ever happened to be in the same room as him. Their eyes always passed over him, as if he was a decorative piece of art on the wall, or just a coffee table that had always been there. After a while, he wasn’t even a sore thumb that stuck out at every possible turn, he just...wasn’t there. 

He was a ghost.

What confused him though, was whether that was a good or a bad thing. He didn’t rightly know whether it good to be treated this way, or if he should act upset about it and confront the other sides. His presence didn’t upset them anymore, so surely it was a good thing, right?

Watching them talk as he swirled the sucker on his tongue, he felt even more like an outsider to them.  _ Was this how you felt? Did they often make you feel like this?  _ He mentally asked Logan, feeling the other stirring awake inside of him, more and more Logan had been going to sleep and just not waking up. If he’d had the ability to feel such a spectrum of emotions, he surely would have been worried about Logan, or at least ask if he was alright or why he was sleeping so often.

There was a long moment of silence as Logan perceived the environment, taking in the sight of the others, and how Apathy’s severed emotions would have been telling him what to feel in the moment. 

_ Yes… _ Came a delicately soft whisper of static, and the ghostly feeling of fingers drifting across his hair let Apathy know that for now, he wasn’t entirely alone. Glancing to the side he saw the faintest flickering of dark blue. Logan was there, it was just that only Apathy, and Apathy alone could see and hear him. Just like a real ghost story that he had once read.  _ They weren’t aware of it, but...there were times that they did not include me during certain events, and times when they...assumed things. It hurt very much back then..and it hurts now to see them treating you this way. _

The honestly he heard coming from Logan, and the sad static twitching of Logan’s face let Apathy know well enough that this was not something that he should be taking laying down.  _ I can tell them off, if it would make your emotional state improve.  _ Apathy offered, just to watch as Logan instantly shook his head, making his ghostly see-through form twitch and jerk faintly as he did. 

**_Don’t!_ ** Came the immediate demand, and a wave of static roared in between Apathy’s ears, making his head instinctively jerk to the left of where Logan was standing. Logan in turn instantly took a calming breath, before speaking again in a much calmer tone.  _ They...won’t understand, they never will. To them you don’t feel, so why should they include you. Why would you care? They will ask all of those questions unless…  _ Here Logan trailed off, but regardless Apathy’s turned his head more to look over to him, his interest peaked.

_ Unless...what? _

Logan sighed, the sound reminded Apathy of the white noise of a television.  _ Unless you can convince them that you actually do...care. _

The mere idea of it made Apathy cock his head to the side, like a puppy that was being confronted with a puzzling issue. Him getting emotions of all things was practically impossible, they were gone after all. He had seen to that so long ago, not that he cared enough to regret doing it.  _ How do you propose that I…  _ It wasn’t that he  **wanted** his emotions back, it was just that the idea of having them was just...odd to him. What would he even do if he had emotions? He painted as Apathy, and he did other things to pass the time seeing as he was mostly alone. So just what would he do if he was no longer...a ghost? 

_ I can give you mine if you’d like...they’ll fade in just how powerful they can be. But so long as I remain asleep inside of you, they’ll linger.  _ Logan offered, his static-riddled body turning, or rather it was more akin to floating in still jerky movements as he hovered in front of Apathy. 

Awaiting an answer.

_ Yes _ . Apathy barely registered the whisper that floated across the air only audible to the two of them, 

It felt almost ironic to Logan, as he drifted closer to Apathy. There wasn’t a hint of fear on Apathy’s face, or any kind of emotion that would otherwise slow him down. How often had he wanted this? How often had he felt like his own emotions made him broken in a way, or how long had he wished to be like Apathy, to not feel a single thing. How long? The answer was one that he knew, and one that he reminded himself often every time he woke up. He had always wanted this, always wanted this blank emotionless state, so that he could do work and not be slowed down. Yet...here he was, giving his emotions to Apathy, becoming..becoming even more like a ghost. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, he’d get to sleep after all, and not wake up.

The reaction was almost immediate as Logan clasped his ghostly hands around Apathy’s head, fizzling completely out of view and leaving Apathy completely alone. The effect though, that took a moment to kick in. 

“Motherfucker!” 

The loud sudden curse made all three of the side that had been talking together jump in shock before turning to Apathy, who they had honestly forgotten was there. The emotionless side was holding his hand clasped over his mouth while he stared at his fallen sucker on the ground.

“Language kiddo...is something wrong?” Patton swatted Virgil’s arm as the anxious side tried to muffle his snickers at just the pure hilarity of the scene. Especially as Roman stared at Apathy in a mixture of amusement and shock, as Apathy picked himself back up letting all of them see the deep blue eyes that stared back at them. 

Blue...blue, not black. 

“It’s sour!” Apathy blurted out, not even sure why he felt such a sense of betrayal from this simple piece of candy. “All this time I’ve been eating something sour!” Felt...that’s right he felt betrayed! He could feel now, even if it was only for a short period of time. 

All of their faces reflected exactly just what Apathy was feeling, he could feel, and now that they knew that, he also knew that how they had been treating him. Like a ghost of all things, would not stand anymore. He wasn’t their ghost that they could just overlook anymore, he was here, and he would drill that into their head in one way or another. 


	9. Smile

“Hey blank face,” Virgil called over to Apathy as the side in question was staring apathetically into his cereal as he shoved one spoonful at a time into his mouth chewing as slowly as humanly possible, the anxious side scooted into view. Leaving Apathy to slowly raise his head, almost tiredly looking back at Virgil, just waiting for whatever the other was about to bombard him with. “How come you never smile?”  

The question seemed honestly asked, and not too mocking to Apathy, if he was going by what was commonly associated with mocking behavior, and going off of Logan’s memories, Virgil wasn’t mocking him with his peculiar question. 

Yet, all Apathy did in reply was shove his spoon into the last of his cereal letting the little dribble of milk drip into the bowl before he shoved it into his mouth still maintaining eye contact with the anxious side as he did. He even chewed somewhat slower as well, seeing Virgil’s almost angry twitch in response, even if he did keep a rather cool head about it. 

Apathy took even longer to swallow.

Virgil however, felt his patience already running quite short as he noticed the little rat going even slower, he crossed his arms absolutely determined to wait it out and to get his damn answer. He was doing this on purpose, Virgil was one hundred percent sure of that fact, and if anything he was going to wait even longer and not say a single word about it. Apathy wanted to gauge his reaction? Well, he wasn’t going to give him one. 

A loud slurping filled the air as Apathy maintained eye contact yet again, as he started to slowly sip down his leftover milk.

Thankfully, before Virgil could blow a fuse, at how ungodly slow that Apathy was going with pretty much anything, “Why do you wish to know Anxiety? The fact that I don’t happen to smile shouldn’t matter to you.”  Came the long-awaited reply, as Apathy set the bowl down with a barely audible clatter, as Virgil rolled his eyes with a groan.

“Because, idiot,” He grumbled out his posture looking just a little bit uncomfortable given what he was about to confess, in front of Apathy himself. “You look like someone kicked and shot your dog, you always frown! No matter what!” He exclaimed loudly, just to immediately lower his tone as Apathy’s body jerked and shuddered at the loudness. “So what gives?” 

No matter what, Apathy always looked so...sad whenever Virgil saw him. There was never one single hint of a smile, never, not when Patton baked cookies, or when Roman invited him on an adventure, or even when Virgil allowed him to listen to some of his music. He just looked sad, there was no difference in anything he did in his day to day life, and while he really shouldn’t be, Virgil was honestly worried about Apathy. Not that he would ever admit it to the other’s aloof face. Not with that attitude. 

A slow unimpressed eyebrow raise was the only answer he got for a few seconds.

“Is that all?” Apathy mellowly asked, as his finger twirled one of his iconic suckers that they almost never saw him without. “If so, then the answer is simple. I don’t smile because…” 

As soon as Apathy paused, Virgil found himself leaning in without even knowing it, he wasn’t exactly sure what he was expecting, but even so, he leaned in to be sure that he could hear Apathy correctly.

“Because I have no reason to smile.” The answer, in all actuality, wasn’t all that great.

However, even with the answer being so disappointing  Virgil was a rather stubborn one at that, as his back straightened up. His bottom lip poked out for a moment as his eyebrows scrunched together, and his fingers drummed against his chin for a moment. 

So you say, if I can find something worthwhile...then you’ll smile?” Virgil asked, watching Apathy roll his eyes as an uninterested sigh left the other’s lips. 

“Sure, knock yourself out.”

And just like that, Apathy rose up. Collecting his bowl to go and wash it at the sink before retreating back to his room, leaving Virgil in a state of planning. He had some ideas, no scratch that. He had hundreds of ideas, but no one to actually bounce them off of. Or did he?

“You want me to what now?” Roman stated, looking absolutely affronted with the idea of having to do with anything involving Virgil’s ideas. 

“I want you to help me figure out, how to make Apathy smile.” Virgil repeated again, just to fall silent and stop as Roman waved his hands wildly as if asking Virgil to just stop talking.

“I heard you the first time!” Roman blurted out, running his fingers through his curly hair before giving his head a shake. “I just wasn’t sure if you meant it or not!” The creative side honestly said, with an exasperated look on his face. He honestly didn’t get it, what was the point in even trying to get Apathy to smile? “Why in the name of hairspray do you even care? This doesn’t pertain to you, and I doubt he even feels enough happiness to even smile over something that we do.” 

Roman’s words were quite blunt, and a part of Virgil knew that he was right. Apathy was...well he was Apathy. Someone who couldn’t feel emotion at all. 

However, in spite of that… 

“He deserves to have someone try for him Roman, we lost Logan because of the very same thing. I’ll be damned if Apophis goes down that road as well, he deserves better!” The moment that Virgil said this, Roman’s expression almost immediately morphed from exasperation to one of guilt and shame. His body lost all of its stiffness, as he ran his hand over his face, letting out a long-suffering sigh that was tinged with sadness. 

“You’re right.” Was all that was said by the creative side, and that was that.

It was no more than two days later when Virgil went to approach Apathy again, the other saw him coming almost within the first few steps that he took. So when Virgil got within three feet of him, Apathy instantly raised his hand cutting off whatever Virgil was about to do or say. 

“I heard you,” Apathy’s empty expressionless voice stopped Virgil short as the black eyes stared into his soul. “I heard your conversation with Creativity, and Anx…” Apathy’s expression twitched faintly and his mouth expressed a slight grimace. “Vir..gil,” Saying his name all by itself must’ve been hard for Apathy, but nevertheless he carried on. “Virgil, I appreciate your concern, and I...thank you.”

Apathy’s lips inched upwards, and somehow it made Apathy’s entire face look entirely different. The frown that tugged at his lips had always made him seem tired, but this smile...it made him look…

“Beautiful….” Virgil whispered, more or less to himself, his eyes wide as he tried to commit that smile to his memory forever. 


	10. Meeting Deceit

“And just what exactly are you doing in my room Deceit?” It didn’t take a genius to figure out just who was standing there in his room, just going off of Logan’s memories. The bowler hat and the cape were iconic enough for anyone to pick him apart, the lying side, however, was just standing there, not really doing much of anything inside of his room. 

However, it was upon turning around that Apathy got a good look at Deceit’s face, and thus the expression that was on it.

Grief. 

“Who...who are you?” Deceit demanded, his gloved fists were shaking as he stared at the other side who looked plenty like Logan, but...just wasn’t. His posture was slouched in a way that Logan would never have allowed himself to do. His jeans of all things were atrocious with how many rips there were in them, on top of his shirt. It looked like it hadn’t been washed in days. “Where isss Logan?” Deceit demanded again, this time his words drawing out as an unknown feeling started to creep up on him, fear, so this was what fear felt like.

The bland uncaring look that answered him only left him feeling that much more shaken, although that was before Apathy started to talk.

“My name is Apathy, Logan isn’t here anymore. Although if there is something that you like to tell him, I would advise that you forget it.” Deceit felt like he had just been hit over the bucket full of cold water, as he stood there frozen in shock. Logan was...gone? That was utterly impossible, Logan was logic he couldn’t just be gone, and he most certainly wouldn’t leave without telling him. Where was there even to go in the mindscape? He couldn’t just vanish...could he?

“Pleassse,” He tried instead, forcing himself to take a somewhat more calmer approach at this, “What do you mean that Logan isn’t here anymore. I know that I..that I left to get  a few things in order but...he’sss not..dead is he?” Truthfully Deceit didn’t know whether to be even more scared or relieved by the shake of Apathy’s head, but releasing a sigh he stepped forward to put his hands on Apathy’s shoulders. “Then w-” Just to immediately stop his flow of words as Apathy smoothly backed away from his hands, a curious expression flourished onto Deceit’s face. One that just for a moment made him forget about his overwhelming fear and terror of what had happened to Logan. “Are you alright?” He hesitantly asked, this time reaching a single finger out letting it hover over Apathy’s shoulders. 

The bright yellow was something that he missed at first, but seeing it, Apathy’s scrunched slouched shoulders relaxed just a little bit. Gloves. No burning pain, and no skin contact that would make him hurt. He would be alright, “I…” Apathy had no idea why he was even hesitating to speak to Deceit, even so, the other was being rather patient with him. For whatever the reason. “I do not like contact, it...hurts.” He explained, just to see as Deceit’s expression morphed into one of understanding.

Oh yes, Deceit knew all too well about this. As so, he immediately drew his hands away. Gloves or not, pain was something that he wanted no part in, intentional or not. 

_ Tell him. _ A rising rush of static in Apathy’s ears made his head twitch in just the slightest, Logan’s voice rushed between his ears as the logical side woke up within him.  _ Tell him where I am, he is...one of the few that I would have trusted to tell. He...is not like the others. He is shunned. _

It was now that Apathy looked over Deceit with a far more critical eye, in just the simplest ways he could see how that was possible, he wasn’t attractive by any normal means. Even if the snake aspects of his body did pose a good number of questions, that he most certainly would have liked to figure out. He dressed like a villain, and judging on Logan’s past memories, he acted like one too. At least when the spotlight was on him that was. 

The memories of soft smiles, warm touches, and even sweeter and softer words lingered in Logan’s memory just under the surface of his thoughts, he and Deceit...were involved. 

_ Ugh..feeling..  _ Apathy internally muttered to himself, giving just the tiniest shake of his head, this was going to be difficult.

“Why don’t you sit down? I will explain as much as I can.” Apathy finally said sighing as he did, motioning to the middle of his room. He summoned two chairs and a simple foldable table with a bowl of glistening blue candies in the middle of it. To his credit, Deceit did as he was told, sitting in the white plastic chair. Although, he was promising answers, and that was exactly what Deceit wanted. 

“Logan is...inside of here,” He made a tapping gesture to his head, watching as Deceit just looked more and more confused as he refused to even touch one of the candies. “While you were gone, he was...insulted, one too many times. I believe that Creativity said something along the lines of. You’re more apathetic than you are logical. Meaning it to be a joke.” 

“He did what?!” Deceit hissed, his earlier confusion completely forgotten, as that familiar feeling of anger rushed into him. His cheeks flushed and he nearly scooted away from the table, “I..I’ll..” 

“You will do nothing, sit Deceit.” Apathy coldly replied, reaching out and snagging the sleeve of Deceit’s cape before he could get so much as another inch away. “Let me finish.” He said, as if he was scolding a misbehaving child, “Logan called on me, Apathy to aid him, in what he calls...teaching them a lesson. They were always so certain that Logan would always be there, they were certain that they could tell him off, call him names, and act as if his opinion didn’t matter. But now,” Here Apathy tapped the side of his head again.

“They have to deal with the fact that their words...actually hurt Logan?” Deceit murmured, and without so much as another word, he scooted his chair back. Letting his head hang over the back of the chair, as he covered his face with his hands. A deep shuddering sigh left Deceit, one that was very much verging on tears. He wanted to go down there, he wanted to tear those light sides a new one for doing what they had done to Logan. For driving him so far away that even he..that even Deceit couldn’t bring him back this time. The only thing that even remotely made him feel better, was the knowledge that Apathy had probably already done that.

“He’s gone...he’s just gone…” It almost disgusted Deceit in a way, as a whimper bubbled up along with the tears. Logan was gone, he should have been here, he should have been here to stop this. To make Logan feel better, to hold him in his arms and to assure him that Roman’s words had no grounds. He should have been here to help. 

Apathy’s eyes trailed over the mourning lying side, he could practically see the sorrow coming off of him in waves. Especially as Logan’s static ghostly form hovered next to the weeping side, as Logan desperately tried to wrap his arms around Deceit, to no avail, he could touch Deceit, and he couldn’t talk to him. 

Not anymore. 


	11. Chapter 11

“Are you sure that you want to do this?” 

To his credit, Apathy did try to sound at least halfway worried about what Logan was about to do, as well as his current mental state. Yet, Logan couldn't help but to crack a grin regardless at the shadow on his wall that nervously flitted around him, like a worried ghost. Logan felt too tired to outright laugh, and he felt too heartbroken to comment on Apathy’s state right now. He’d been feeling like that a lot lately, just tired and heartbroken. 

Today had been the final nail in the coffin though, the others wouldn’t know that though. They wouldn’t know that they had pushed him over the edge, that they had actually done the deed and broken him until it was far too late for him. They wouldn’t know, not until they couldn’t get him back. 

“You know if you do this-”

“I can never come back, I got it Apep. You’ve reminded me about it every hour. I’m sure that I want to do this.” Logan sourly grumbled as he plucked the glasses off of his face, rubbed the indents that it left behind on his nose, rubbing the lens of his glasses against his tie he waited for a moment before slipping them back into place. On his wall, the shadow crossed his arms, looking pretty disappointed for a shadow. Logan sighed as he reached forward, touching the place where the shadow’s hand would have been. 

Tingles raced up his arm, a comforting feeling that was as familiar to him as it always had been over the years. 

“Logan…” There was a moment of silence from Apathy, a rare..extremely rare appearance of worry from the shadow. “Why are you really doing this? Did they..did their words really hurt that badly?” Pain, or at least emotional pain was something that Apathy rarely ever truly understood from Logan’s perspective, he’d never felt it. Or at least he couldn’t remember feeling it, and as such he was as confused as one without emotions could be.

Still, the shadow moved along the wall as soon as Logan’s expression started to crumple, now more so than ever, he wished that he could touch Logan. He wished that he could offer him some form of comfort, aside from the tingles and static that they could both hear when they connected. Still, an empty part inside of his chest ached upon seeing the tears streaming down Logan’s face, it ached in the kind of way that someone missing a limb or an organ inside of them would ache. 

“They…” Logan sniffled, using his tie to wipe away the tears that rained down his cheeks, “I’m broken,” Logan choked the words out as he bowed his head, “Emotions have no place in logic, and just the fact that I can feel them..that I am upset by what Roman said, and the others did...it just proves it. I’m broken, and this is the only way I can be fixed.” 

A tense silence stretched between them for a moment, and the tingles crackled along Logan’s shoulder, where Apathy would have placed his hand on the logical side’s shoulder.

“You,” There was a pause, “You were never broken to me.” Apathy whispered, his voice carrying a hint of...something in it. “Nevertheless, if doing this..if going through with your plan would make you happy. Then I will take part in it, they will learn.” He sternly stated, and Logan smiled as he felt a light line of static curling on his cheek.

Brushing away his tears without ever really touching them. 

“Thank you,” Logan whispered, and now he wished more than ever that he could hug Apathy, the one who had been with him through thick and thin. The one who had listened to his worries, and the one who had assured him on what to do in several cases. Apathy...who had never strayed from his side, and he from Apathy’s side. They had been through the walk of Thomas’ life together, it was fair that they end it that way too.

All it took was a deep breath as he closed his eyes before he was ready, and Logan kept them closed. He didn’t see the shadow peeling off the wall like wallpaper being ripped away from itself, and he didn’t see the ominous staticy ghostly shape moving towards him. A shape that he had come to trust in the years they had spent together.

All he felt was the rush of a stinging sensation over his body, and a well of static in his ears before…

Darkness. Silence….Peace.

_ Open your eyes.  _ A familiar voice whispered to him, and upon doing so Logan found himself...no themselves in front of a mirror. A tired but aloof gaze stared back at them with cold black eyes that reflected absolutely no emotion. 

Logan tried to raise his arm, to have any input at all. Yet nothing happened, he wasn’t in control, he wasn’t in control! If he could have, he most certainly would have smiled at that moment, as his..Apathy’s face remained as emotionless as ever. 

_ This is you?  _ Logan’s words came out as a rush of static, and he watched as Apathy’s head lightly twitched at jerked at the sound of his voice. Before a tiny nod was given.

Opening his mouth Apathy clashed his teeth together a few times, looking just pretty curious about the entire process of even just having a body, to begin with. At least until he bit the inside of his cheek, making pain radiate on his left jaw.

“Ow!” He hissed, cupping his hand over his jaw, the pain was...odd. Especially for someone who had never felt it before.

_ Perhaps you should keep something in your mouth to prevent you from doing that again. _ Logan chuckled, another wave of static passing with his words, as he conjured the mental image of a sour blue lollipop for Apathy to see. Once again a slight nod was all that he received, before it popped into existence 

The color almost immediately started to dull the second that Apathy put it into his mouth, it was a curious sight, but one that Logan added to the list of things he had yet to discover about Apathy in his newer form. It was all so new for both of them, and so they would learn together.

_ Go down to them, I want them to see.  _ As ashamed as he should be of the almost sadistic glee he got out of the thought, he wanted to see. He wanted them to see. He wanted them to see the broken mess that had fixed itself up. 

All thanks to them.


	12. Sour

Today was Logan’s birthday. If it could even be called that, it was what Patton had referred to it as. Even if it was just the day that Thomas had officially learned his name, even if it wasn’t by his own choice. Usually, he wouldn’t make a big to-do about these kinds of things, for Roman’s and Virgil’s birthday, he’d grab a slice of cake and pat the said birthday boy on the shoulder before giving their gift. 

He did at least try to do it a little differently each time, a rose that would never ever die for Roman that was the colors of the rainbow. A purple neon sign that Virgil could hang up just outside of his room, that changed colors with his moods, that way they would all know if and when he needed help with a particular thing. For Patton, he’d always tried pretty hard, giving him stuffed animals of many varieties, that would respond to his emotional swings and warm up if need be. He tried hard to let them see that he cared. 

It was just too bad that they didn’t seem to get the memo. 

When the day of his birthday came, he didn’t know what to expect. But it certainly wasn’t what he got, upon going downstairs, there were no streamers, no cake, and no jovially smiling Patton to wish him a happy birthday. There was a pile of waffles that was usually set out for everyone, and...that was it. There was no mention of it, no birthday hat that would mess up his hair. 

Just...nothing. 

_ Am I just being selfish about this?  _ He questioned himself, of course, Patton cared about him. He was there to offer him his usual cup of coffee in the morning, and the moral side still asked how he’d slept. So Patton obvious cared. So... _ am I selfish to want to celebrate my name day?  _ It was a thought that he didn’t want to indulge in, and one that shook him to his core. 

“Are you alright Lo-berry?” Patton’s voice broke through his thoughts, and something sour turned inside his stomach at the sweet kind voice. 

_ I’m not alright.  _

He didn’t say those words, instead offering Patton a tired smile instead, just like Patton he knew how t hide away his pain and anger. He’d been doing it a lot more than usual lately, except when he was with one person… “I’m fine Patton, I had a rough night is all.” He beamed at him, and the moral side’s face softened a little before Patton nodded and went back to eating. 

Logan didn’t expect Roman or even Virgil to ask him such a question, given that Virgil’s head was exhaustedly resting on the table, and Roman was shoveling waffles into his mouth as fast as humanly possible. Even so, he didn’t see the prince’s worried glance as soon as Logan set his cup down, and he didn’t see how Virgil turned his head. His cheek squishing against the tabletop in order to look at him, the worry in his eyes hidden by his bangs.

“Excuse me,” Logan scooted back from the table downing the last of his coffee, it tasted sour on his tongue. Even the sweetness of the syrup tasted sour to him, “There is something that I forgot to attend to in my room. Have a pleasant rest of the morning.” Scooting his chair back under the table, Logan dropped his cup off into the sink before making his way back upstairs. Patton looked confused as well as concerned, but the moral side said nothing as Logan vanished from view. 

It was upon shutting his door that Logan sagged back against the firm wood, and as he saw a staticy shadow making its way towards him. Moving as fast as it could at that moment, its movements were erratic and jerky.

Apathy was angry, or as angry as one without emotion could get.

“They forgot?! Who does that?!” Apathy’s voice came with a wave of static, as he momentarily lost control for a moment. Of course, he knew about it, and yet the shadow gestured wildly on the wall and Logan let him have at it. As Apathy paced back and forth for a good few minutes, before finally growing still upon realizing that Logan had yet to say a word about the entire thing. Surely Logan would have been angry right? Right?

“Are you done?” Logan simply asked, watching the shadow on his wall slowly nod reluctantly, “I’m fine Apathy..although I will admit I didn’t expect them to forget, it happens, but I’m not angry, just…”

“Disappointed.” Another rush of static told Logan that Apathy had just sighed, and before he knew it, the hair on his left arm stood up straight. As a cluster of tingles could be felt moving across his hand, Apathy was...holding his hand? A sense of warmth and happiness blossomed inside of Logan’s heart, even if the others forgot, even if they never remembered another name day. 

Apathy would, Apathy would always remember. 

“I don’t know if this helps but...I got you a present.” Apathy offered, the shadowy arm gesturing to two lumps that were on Logan’s desk. “I’m not that good at wrapping, and I summoned as well as I could but… I hope you like it.” 

That warmth burned even brighter in Logan’s chest, as he smiled so widely that it was even starting to hurt his cheeks. He didn’t deserve Apathy, and yet here he was. With him, for as long as he could ever remember. 

“Of course I’ll love it, it’s from you!” He gushed, letting down the mask of cold heartless Logan that the others almost always saw as he rushed over to his desk, pure excitement lit up his face. As he picked up a tiny box, that true to Apathy’s words were horribly wrapped, not that he cared one lick about that. 

Inside the tiny wrapped up box though was a tiny bottle, a tiny bottle that was held on a thin silver chain, the bottle holding the smallest feather that Logan had ever seen. He wasted no time, putting it around his neck, letting the bottle hang at the center of his chest. It would be perfectly hidden by his shirt and tie. The next present though, was a little different than the first, as a lumpy bag of bright blue suckers came out of the wrapping. 

“You chew on your pens quite a lot when you work..I just thought that..” The shadow shrugged, and Logan felt a warm smile curl on his lips as he pulled one of the suckers out of the bag. Tossing the candy wrapper into his trash can, he popped it into his mouth.

Just to almost immediately spit it back out coughing erratically as he did, and almost immediately the shadow flitted over to him. Apathy’s hands waving over his back in a couple of worried gestures. 

“What is it?! Are you alright?” Truthfully Apathy was the slightest bit worried that he had accidentally killed Logan, but a hearty chuckle stopped his worrying dead.

“I’m fine, I’m fine...they’re just a little sour. But...I like it.” 


	13. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone sent a prompt for Roman and Apathy making out, don't blame me.

There were a lot of things that Apathy had never really partaken in before in the years he had spent by Logan’s side, there were birthdays, movie nights, valentines day, and Halloween. However, the one among them all that really confused him, was Christmas. Logan. Dear, sweet, and kind Logan had done his best to explain the season of cold, or as cold as it could get in Florida, and they had routinely traded presents on Christmas. Gifts that faded the moment that he happened to touch them, he had never been able to actually use those gifts up until the time that he and Logan had become one. 

When he woke up that morning Apathy almost instantly knew that something wasn’t quite right in the mindscape, he wasn’t even certain as to what was making him feel this way. All he knew was that something was up, and he was going to find out what. So shoving the covers off of him and sitting up with his usual messy hair that was almost never neat, he slipped his socks and slippers on before moving to leave the bedroom. 

_ Put on my old sweater.  _ Logan’s hazy static voice whispered to him. 

“Why?” Apathy grumbled, rubbing his hands over his bare arms, he was good with what he wore day in and day out. So why on earth would he need a sweater of all things? 

_ Just trust me, you’ll need a sweater today.  _ There was a brief moment of silence, before the static pitched back in, and a tender whisper of,  _ Please?  _ Was heard from Logan’s end. Closing his eyes briefly Apathy grumbled out a sigh, sounding pretty grumpy for this early in the morning, but even so, he indulged Logan. He’d never been able to deny the logical side anything, and why was he going to stop now? 

After all, it was just a dumb sweater.

The material felt warm and surprisingly soft as he slipped it on, looking in the mirror as he straightened his cracked glasses he nodded to himself. The color was alright, now that he had been learning how to control his abilities. It had taken a while, but learning from Virgil had honestly done him some good. Even if the concept of taste was something that he couldn’t quite grasp yet. 

Nevertheless, he made his way down the stairs, the floorboards creaking with each step as he heard the excited voices from downstairs.

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Patton’s excited voice was the one that he heard first.

“He’d better, we spent all night trying to create this for his first Christmas. I mean...I hope he likes it.” Roman’s pitched in after Patton’s, the usual annoying and yet softly tenor of his voice made Apathy pause at the bottom of the stairs. What had they done, or rather, what had they supposedly done for him? 

“Guys…” Virgil’s dark eyes glanced over to the messy bedhead that could be seen barely peeking around the edge, Apathy was awful at hiding not that he needed a reason to. 

So coming out of his hiding spot, Apathy watched Roman as well as Patton’s face morphed into one of surprise mixed with a touch of sadness. Virgil’s expression dropped, before he straightened himself up. 

_ He’s wearing Logan’s sweater… _ They all seemed to think at once, Roman remember crafting that sweater from nothing. He remembered adding every aspect that he knew Logan would love and appreciate, and now...Logan felt comfortable enough to let Apathy wear it around them. 

“You look good,” Roman stated, before waving Apathy on over before slinging his arm over the other’s shoulder. “Do you like it?” He excitedly asked, looking down at Apathy’s expression as they revealed to him the new and improved living room.

The living room which now had snow clouds instead of a ceiling, and now had softly drifting snowflakes that vanished before they even touched the floor. They weren’t cold by any mean, but instead felt as soft as the fluffy innards of a teddy bear. Reaching his hand out, Apathy watched as a few snowflakes piled up on his hand before they melted away. Leaving not a drop of water, but the pleasant smell of sugar cookies. 

Leaning over Roman grinned softly at the silently stunned look that had appeared on Apathy’s face, “Merry Christmas, Appie.” He murmured, and Apathy glanced up the thin line that his lips mostly stayed in, instead it curved to reveal the most tender smile that Roman had ever seen in his entire life. 

The rest of the hour was spent unwrapping presents, and eating gingerbread cookies with eggnog and hot chocolate in Virgil case. Up until Roman stood stretched his legs out as he tossed his bright red Santa hat to the side. 

“I’m going get a movie for us to watch!”  He declared, as Apathy had started on his way back from the kitchen after cleaning out his cup. The two bumped into one another, staying there momentarily until…

“Guys! Guys! Look up, you have to!” Patton giddily giggled as he pointed above their heads, and just like that the charming grin on Roman’s face fell as red swarmed over his cheeks, until it reached the tips of his ears. They were standing under a patch of mistletoe, both Patton and Virgil had been extra careful not to walk under the doorway at the same time as anyone else. So Roman should have known that something was up.

“Come now Patton, I don’t think that Apathy wants to indulge in this silly littl-”

As soon as Roman’s started to spout off excuse after excuse, Apathy found himself rolling his eyes at the lovable idiot. Just about ten seconds before he gripped the bright red Gryffindor scarf that was tied around Roman’s neck, slamming their lips together in a kiss that made their teeth clash together.

The creative side in question felt himself going bright red when he instinctively grasped the other side’s hips, as Apathy’s tongue, the tongue that spent its days licking bright blue lollipops. Dragged along his bottom lip, as if asking Roman to open up. His cheeks were burning now, as his eyes drifted shut, and he felt Apathy’s fingers tangling in his hair. Everything else was forgotten everyone else melting away like the snow in the living room. Especially as he grasped the emotionless side’s hips tighter pressing him back against the doorframe, before his hands started to travel under the other’s sweater when Apathy’s fingers tugged harder and more impatiently at his hair. 

A tingle raced down his spine and their kisses got hungrier, both of them completely enveloped in each other. 

Until, “Ahem…” Patton’s face was bright red as he watched them separate just as quickly as they had come together, Roman’s hair now a complete tussled mess thanks to Apathy, and Apathy had somehow ended up with Roman’s red scarf, with his sweater raised just a little bit to reveal his stomach, before he hastily tugged it back down. 

“Well…” The awkwardness was thick in the air, “Who wants pudding?” 


	14. Slushies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ya know...I'm really glad these aren't canon. Here's another make-out session with Roman and Apathy.

“What is that?” Apathy curiously asked as he peered over at Roman, he had been tapping away on the phone, until the bright splash of color had caught his attention. Lifting his head up he tried to not look too interested in what Roman was doing, but he couldn’t help but to sneak a glance over to the creative side, the cocky grin on Roman’s face though was exactly why he tried to not look so interested. His boyfriend could find a way to be proud about the smallest thing that Apathy did, even if it didn’t pertain to the princely side. If there was a way, then Roman would find it.

“This,” Roman extravagantly began as he held it above his head, like it was the holy grail. “Is my newest creation of the mindscape, the superduper cranberry, strawberry, raspberry extravaganza!” He beamed proudly, looking down at Apathy who raised a single eyebrow at him.

“But,” He continued, as he held up a single finger as soon as he saw that Apathy was about to open his mouth and say something. “I have created one just for you as well my little kiwi.” 

Apathy’s eyebrow twitched at the insulting nickname, he was not small. He just tended to slouch a lot given that he couldn’t be bothered to stand up straight, opening his mouth, he was fully prepared to give Roman a tongue lashing. And not of the make out variety either, however, that lasted for all of two seconds before a straw was shoved into his mouth. The bluest blue that he had ever seen started being sucked up through the straw, his nose twitched. Catching the faintest hints of blueberries, blackberries, and...elderberries? 

His nose wrinkled for a moment, but thankfully or perhaps it was, unfortunately, he couldn’t taste it. Except for when he swallowed it, the faintest aftertaste of artificial blue raspberry was all that he could taste in his mouth for a moment. Glancing up, he caught Roman’s gaze, the look of someone who had spent time on something, waiting to see just what he thought of it, that was the look of pressure, that was the look of someone who would be crushed if he figured out that Apathy still couldn’t fully taste foods yet, and...it was a look that he was weak to. 

Of course, he knew that Roman wouldn’t blame him for not being able to taste, but he also knew that the opposite was true. Roman could, and he very well would blame himself for accidentally putting Apathy in this position. 

So he was stuck with a few options, he could either lie. Something which they both knew he was dreadful at, and have Roman know that he was lying to his face, and have him know that he also didn’t like it. Or he could tell the truth, and ensure that Roman never ever came to him again with foods like these. His eyes bounced from his blue slushie, to Roman’s face as he saw the grin on the creative side’s face start to wither away and die. He had to do  **something** , but the question was what? What could he do in this kind of situation where he was guaranteed to lose no matter what?

“Your tongue is red,” Apathy suddenly said, watching the confusion unfold onto Roman’s face for a split second as Apathy set the slushie down beside him slowly. 

“Yeah..” Roman admitted, “But what does that have to do with-” And like a viper, Apathy’s hand dashed forward snatching away Roman’s red slushie before he practically booked it out of the room. The straw was in his mouth, and he finished the remnants of it in just a few gulps.

Static roared in his ears, as Logan’s laughed and Roman screamed. 

“You villain, I shall catch thee!” Roman’s cry rang around the mindscape as Apathy ran as fast as he possibly could for the stairs, it was a useless venture he knew. He had never run a day in his life, while Roman seemed to be the perfect embodiment of a guy who guzzled nothing but protein shakes and had guys ogling at his perfect body. While Apathy...Apathy was just a lanky noodle with giraffe legs for limbs. 

Something which was increasingly obvious, as his shoulder slammed into the pole of the stairs on his way up, Roman’s thumping footsteps followed shortly behind him. Only getting closer now that Apathy had been slowed down. 

Soon enough, a warm hand clasped around his wrist, tugging him back into Roman’s chest before his front was pinned against the hallway wall. 

“Aha!” Roman crowed loudly, a smirk clear on his devilish face as he kept Apathy pinned there for a moment, before allowing him to turn around. Although Roman’s looming presence made it especially know just who had caught who. “I got you, devil.” Roman teasingly whispered as his warm hands traveled under Apathy’s shirt making the other shiver at the contact, and when the creative side’s lips descended down onto Apathy’s he practically melted under the warmth that was carried with them. He was like a puddle under Roman’s every touch, tilting his head to the side as soon as Roman started to kiss and lovingly nip at the side of his neck. 

This was one punishment that he would always welcome, and a pretty damn good way to distract Roman.

 

“Why is your tongue purple?” Patton curiously asked later that day as he took the casserole out of the oven, setting it on the counter as he looked to Apathy who was tapping away on his phone whilst sitting on said counter inches away from the hot food that had just been taken out of the oven.

“Roman had a red slushie, and I had a blue one…” Apathy drawled smoothly, watching Patton’s cheeks heat up as he teased him a little bit, Apathy himself wasn’t the kind of side to blush about anything. But this… “So I stole his, and drank it all before he could catch me.” Apathy finished, making Patton snort with laughter as the moral side swatted him with an oven glove, making him scamper off of the counter. 

And into Roman’s arms, who had been watching the exchange with a proud grin of his own. 


	15. Skittles

Apathy looked down at the grey colorless skittles in his dark shadowy hands that had once been resting on top of Logan’s desk, they were grey now and completely devoid of any flavor, any individuality that would have made them worth eating and enjoying. He’d let himself grow too curious about the individual pieces of candy that Logan had been snacking on while he worked, and once the logical side had left he had picked them up. 

Now they were useless, now he had ruined them, just like he ruined anything that he came into contact with.

Why was he like this? Why out of every one of the sides was he the one that could ruin something with just a single touch? Why skittles? He had just wanted to see the rainbow-colored candies up close, and now..now they might as well be thrown in the trash they served that much of a purpose. Logan couldn’t get any enjoyment out of them anymore, the candy would be bland and tasteless. Just like him.

He was still holding the candies in the palm of his hands when he heard the footsteps thumping up the stairs, and as much as he tried not to feel panicked, a sense of fear washed over him as he looked side to side looking for a place to hide the incriminating evidence of his wrongdoings. The trash can was full of notes and graphs that Logan had thrown away, and he very well knew that the logical side wouldn’t appreciate it if he hid candy in his desk. As such a thing would invite ants over. It was foolish to feel afraid of something as dumb and moronic as this, and yet…

Where could he hide it? Where was he supposed to hide it? Where? Where? Where?

“Apathy?” The shadowy side in question felt his head snap up, his eyes locking onto the doorway as Logan stood there, another cup of coffee in hand as he quizzingly looked at the shadowy figure looming over his desk and holding...something in his hands. “What do you have in your hands?” The question was a joking one, as a tiny smile curled onto Logan’s lips as he stepped forward. 

However, that smile soon wilted like a flower in the dead of winter as soon as Apathy put both of his hands behind his back, hiding whatever it was from his view. The shadow’s shoulders hunched as Logan set his cup of coffee down on his desk, he was hiding something alright, if it wasn’t already obvious enough as it was. 

“Apathy,” Logan sighed, reaching his hand out in order to ask for whatever the other side was holding onto, but instead his worry only tripled as soon as Apathy jerked back from what the other assumed was a touch. 

“No touch!” Apathy hissed, and Logan immediately drew his hand back as if he had been stung, they had come a long way since Apathy refused to be touched by anybody, regardless of whether he took the form of a shadowy figure, or if he was just a shadow on the wall. Or at least Logan had thought so. 

“Hey hey, it’s alright. No touch, see?” Logan held his hands up taking a step away from Apathy as the shadow hunched over even more, whatever this was, it wasn’t some relapse. “Apep..what’s wrong? You know that you can talk to me right? I am here, just as you are here for me. I’m ready to listen whenever you want to talk, it’s alright.” He soothingly spoke, making a point of grabbing his chair and dragging it out so that he could sit down before the other side. 

“I…” Apathy hastily nodded his head at Logan’s words, of course, the logical side was right, he was rarely ever wrong. And yet...he felt..no he didn’t feel. He seemed almost ashamed to show Logan the evidence of his freakish nature, he was wrong, and he didn’t know why Logan didn’t seem to understand that. He was freak, even when compared to the other’s abilities. “I ruined it…” He finally whispered, and Logan’s eyebrows crinkled in concern.

“Ruined what?” He gently asked, and after a moment longer of waiting Apathy finally drew his hands from behind his back, keeping them tightly closed until he had them directly in front of Logan. Opening them up, he revealed the pale grey skittles resting in his hands. 

“I ruined it, and...and I don’t want to ruin you too. So you can’t touch me, because..because I ruin everything!” Apathy snarled the words to himself, as if to inflict a lasting damage to himself that he or Logan wouldn’t ever forget, and yet...Logan just stared knowingly down at the candies before he plucked one right out of Apathy’s palms. 

Before the emotionless side could even think to stop him, Logan chewed it up and swallowed. It was tasteless, that was true, but it did carry an underlying sweetness with it too, something that still made it worthwhile despite not being able to taste the original flavor. It was still worth eating, and still worth keeping around.

“You will not ruin me Apep,” Logan sternly stated, before holding his hand out for Apathy to take, allowing him to make the choice of whether or not he felt comfortable. After a good moment of hesitation, Apathy slipped his fingers into Logan’s grasp allowing the prickle of his presence to race up Logan’s arm as the logical side gripped his fingers tight. “You will not ruin me, and you cannot ruin me Apathy. I am here for you up until the very day that you decide that you do not need me. You know why?” Apathy shook his head. “Because I love you that’s why.” 

Had he a face, Apathy was certain that he would have done some form of blushing for Logan’s words, he would have made himself blush just for that confession. 

“Thank you,” He murmured, before adding. “I don’t believe that I deserve that love...but thank you.” Logan’s lips formed into a serious pout, a very serious pout.

“Bullshit, if anyone tells you that you don’t deserve love. They don’t know their head from their ass, you deserve it Apathy. You deserve everything, including my love.” He stubbornly said, rising from his chair before he looped his arms around the shadowy form, giving him as tight of a hug as he could. Prickles race down his shoulder as Apathy rested his cheek on Logan’s shoulder. 

“I...believe I love you too then.”


	16. Dancing Shadows

Apathy’s eyes remained locked onto the tv screen, his shadow looming ominously over it as he watched the ending scene of the two Disney characters dancing together. Over on the couch Roman snorted turning his head to the side as he continued to snore away while Virgil and Patton remained asleep on each side of him. It was the remains of a movie night, Sleeping Beauty if Apathy wasn’t wrong. 

His eyes darted over to the others as soon as Patton shifted in his sleep, tugging the blanket more firmly around him before nuzzling his face back into Roman’s chest. They were all fast asleep, and yet he still couldn’t take too many chances when it came to watching them, he detested the very thought of having to talk to them, let alone attempting to explain himself in such a way that wouldn’t have them freaking out. Talking to Logan was always so much easier, introducing himself to Logan had been even easier than that. 

Logan hadn’t screamed, he hadn’t freaked out, and he hadn’t accused Apathy of being some evil version of Thomas that he wasn’t. Logan had been calm and collected when Apathy had first appeared to him, something that he could personally get behind. 

“So you cannot feel anything?” Logan had asked him after he had finally been able to sit Apathy down, the shadow had done a lot of pacing on Logan’s wall before that point. Outright refusing to show himself to the other, until he had Logan’s honest promise that he wouldn’t freak out. 

“Nothing.” He had bluntly replied, he searched Logan’s face for any kind of judgment, the kind of thing that someone would see when they explained that they couldn’t do or couldn’t just learn something that was foreign to him. He was used to that judgment.

“Interesting, you certainly are different when compared to the other sides. With how many...conflicting emotions that they feel. How long have you existed? As long as me, or...before?” Logan asked, and just like that the logical side had swept away the issue, he didn’t seem to care about what he could or couldn’t feel. Logan was curious about him. Just him.

When the credits started to roll down the screen, Apathy made his exit as he slunk back into the shadows, walking along the wall of the stairs until he managed to sink into Logan’s room. The logical side was still up, even though it was already way past midnight, then again this wasn’t much of a surprise. Logan was always awake at this time, and he was always working. 

Apathy waited in the shadows, watching Logan furiously scribbling the words of whatever he was working on down onto paper, the dark circles looked practically etched under the logical side’s eyes, and he looked even more exhausted than normal. A frown pulled at Apathy’s lips, and he stepped forward materializing into the room.

“Logan,” He placed a hand on Logan’s shoulder, feeling the muscles jump under his touch, the glare from Logan fizzled away upon seeing just who was there. 

“What is it Apep?” Logan muttered, rubbing his knuckles against one of his eyes to clear away the exhaustion prevalent on his face as he peered back at Apathy. 

“Do you know how to dance?” Apathy asked, seeing the confusion morphing on Logan's face as he sat down on the side of Logan’s desk, a few papers crinkled as he sat. 

“Yes, of course, I know how to...why do you ask.” Squinting his eyes Logan tilted his head as Apathy’s fingers drummed on his leg. 

“Have you ever danced with the other sides?” Once again another question came instead of daring to answer Logan’s, another nod answered his question.

“Yes,” The logical side sighed as a halfhearted grin tugged on his lips, “Patton steps on my toes all the time, by accident of course. Virgil is rather shy about the whole process of dancing, so he prefers to watch. Roman as it is…” Logan’s nose wrinkled a little, making his glasses slide down a little until Logan pushed them back up. “Roman is too extra when it comes to my tastes, although...he is an excellent dancer.” 

Apathy paused once again, tapping his fingers together as his leg bounced up and down, he didn’t feel a single hint of nervousness, and yet his body showed it without hesitation. His heart thumped for whatever reason, and he placed the palm of his hand on his chest. Feeling it fluttering in his ribcage like a trapped bird. Was he nervous? What for?

“Apep?” 

Apathy scooted his hand towards Logan’s when he felt the other’s hand coming closer to his, the logical side’s eyes widened as he grasped the other’s hand tight. The worry that had been on Logan’s face, easily morphing into surprise.

“Will you dance with me?” He suddenly asked, still holding Logan’s hand with their fingers intertwining, Logan’s mouth opened and not a single sound escaped it until he snapped his mouth shut. 

Honestly, dancing was the last thing that Logan had assumed Apathy would be coming to tell him that he needed sleep, and they would argue about for a while before Logan went back to work for an hour or two. Before finally going to sleep, upon Apathy’s second request. This though, this was something he hadn’t thought he’d be asked.

The pencil dropped from his other hand.

“Sure.” He murmured, and feeling Apathy tugged at his arm the both of them stood in the middle of his room. 

For a solid second Logan completely forgot what he was supposed to do when the soft tinkling of piano music started to play, the radio by his bedside starting to life as it poured out grainy bad quality piano music. He forgot, up until the moment he felt Apathy’s hands settling on his waist, automatically making him loop his arms around the other’s neck. 

They swayed for a moment, the two of them just moving to the softness of music, until Logan found himself resting his head on Apathy’s chest closing his eyes. 

_ Thump. Thump. Thump. _

Apathy’s heart thumped wildly upon feeling Logan completely relaxing against him, they still swayed together, but the logical side’s movements were getting slower and slower as the minutes ticked by. The warmth of the others cheek, was like the warmth of a summer sun beaming down on him. Looking down at Logan, the relaxed expression, his lids that calmly fell shut, and his evened breathing told Apathy a lot. Mainly though, that Logan felt comfortable to do this, to lose himself in dancing when it was just the two of them, and...that he felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in his arms. 

His heart beat madly, the caged bird inside of his chest thumping against the bars of the cage that was holding it. 

“You’re too perfect.” He whispered, in the music-filled room as his swaying stilled, and he ran his fingers through the waviness of Logan’s hair. It was soft, Logan was soft. Too soft for someone like him. “You deserve the world, and the world doesn’t deserve you.” 

It didn’t take too long to get Logan over to the bed, plucking the other’s glasses off of his face before he covered him up. Apathy lingered for a moment, the piano music dying away as he loomed over Logan’s bedside for a moment, and time seemed to stand still as he leaned down.

It made no sense as to why he was even hesitating, he shouldn’t hesitate, he felt no fear and nervousness. So...why? 

Apathy’s fingers brushed back another curl before his lips made contact with Logan’s forehead, he was warm, Apathy hoped that Logan would never grow cold, not as cold as him, he hoped that he would always be warm. 


	17. I Wish I Could Hate You...

Apathy stared down at the puzzle pieces that were stretched out before him, a good chunk of the puzzle was already put together on the dining room table, a thousand pieces, or at least that was what the box said. Knowing Logan, the logical side was the kind of person to keep every puzzle piece in their respective boxes, Morality though, not so much. 

So that’s where he was, bent over the table as his eyes scoured the many pieces, slotting them together until they would eventually create a large picture of a cat riding a rainbow. It was a good way to practice as Virgil told him, on how to make sure that he wouldn’t infect the bright colored puzzle pieces with monochrome touch. There he stayed, as piece by piece it eventually started to come together. At least until he heard the heavy footsteps traversing down the stairs, and coming towards the kitchen and dining room. 

His dull black gaze shifted for a moment, from the puzzle on over to the flash of bright color that caught his attention, his upper lip twitched faintly. Creativity, how utterly fantastic.

In all honesty, Roman hadn’t been expecting anyone to be there when he came down to indulge himself for some lunch that he had missed out on. Patton had assured him that the casserole that he’d made, was safely packed away in the fridge when he wanted to eat it. So leaving his room after a particularly rough brainstorming session, that really would have been made a lot faster had Logan been there. Roman made his way to the kitchen.

Just to stop, his muscles coming to a complete halt at the grey spot on the edge of his vision that was leaned over the table.  _ Logan _ . His head snapped over in the direction of that grey spot, Logan’s name was right on his tongue when said tongue suddenly turned to lead at the sight of the blander and more irritating version of their logical side. Their looks just another reminder that it wasn’t Logan, but someone who was committed to taking his place and never leaving. 

_ It’s not Logan, he’ll never be Logan. No matter how much he fools himself into trying, he won’t...be ours.  _

It became hard for Roman to swallow the thought down, as his head lowered and his footsteps led him to the kitchen as he had intended to do. However, he didn’t even have the strength to bother even warming up the leftovers that Patton had left him, instead he ended up spooning it out on a plate before carrying it into the dining room. His heart seized in his chest, as he looked at Apathy, bent over his puzzle and working away. 

His eyebrows were scrunched together, and his teeth worrying away on his bottom lip. His shoulders were tensed up, as he moved his hips back and forth while looking over the hundreds of puzzle pieces that were sprinkled all over the table. The sucker stick poked out from his lips, and he moved the candy around in his mouth. He was concentrating.

_ Just like Logan would do. _

_ “ _ Is there a reason that you are staring at me Creativity? Because the average person does not like to be stared at,” Apathy slowly drawled, dragging his gaze up as a tingle of static brushed against his senses, Logan was waking up.  “That is unless however there happens to be a problem?” He lowly asked, his voice was as bland as ever, but even so Roman was no fool. There was a threat hidden under the other side’s words, a threat that he wasn’t going to go against. 

At least not in the normal fashion. 

He set his plate down, with a loud clang seeing Apathy’s head twitch a little at the loud sound before he sat down without another word. Digging his fork into the food, the silverware scraped against the plate, making a sound that was akin to nails on a chalkboard. Sound that made the hairs on the back of Roman’s neck rise, but for Apathy, it was like being told to stick one's hand into a blender and trust that nobody would turn it on while you weren’t watching. All it all, with each noise, it became more and more grating for Apathy. 

“Enough Creativity!” It took all of two minutes for Apathy to finally snap at Roman, his upper lip curled in his usual snarl that was like the calm before the storm. The emotionless side marched around the table, clamping his hand around Roman’s wrist practically wrenching the fork away from him, before tossing it down the other end of the table. “Just what is your problem Creativity? Why must you insist on being a nuisance all of the time?” Apathy sneered down at him, and yet something didn’t sit right with him, Roman seemed almost..too calm, too aware of how his actions would rile him up, and he just stared up at him. He didn’t seem scared of him, or his touch. 

With a quick and sudden movement, Apathy jerked his hand back the moment that he felt Roman’s warm, too warm, hand resting over his knuckles. 

“My problem,” Roman slowly began, before scooting his chair back and slowly standing up, he had an inch on Apathy now as he stood at his full height, coupled by the fact that he was wearing his heeled boots today. “Is you.” He whispered, poking Apathy in the center of his chest where his heart would be. 

_ Leave, get out. Run. Run. Run.  _ Logan whispered into Apathy’s ears, his hushed voice coated with a healthy amount of fear, fear that Apathy could not feel as Roman took another step closer to him. 

“I wish,” The creative side moved a step closer, and Apathy didn’t move an inch. Logan would have back up at this point, Roman’s stature and the presence he oozed would have intimidated the logical side. “That I could hate you, I wish that so damn much.” 

Here, Apathy cocked his head to the side as Logan went silent in his head. 

“You look like him, you talk like him, you even act like him sometimes. You think that you can take his place, and you expect all of us to just take it! I wish I could hate you!” It was Roman’s turn to snarl his words, as he stood chest to chest with Apathy. 

“I don’t.” And those two words turned everything on its head. 

“Don’t? Don’t what?” 

“I don’t think that I can take his place, and I don’t think that you have to take it.” Apathy began, pressing his hand to his chest for emphases. His expression didn’t change as he placed his pointer finger on Roman’s chest, where the creative side’s own heart would be. Roman flinched, expecting some numbness, or some kind of a pain to occur, until nothing happened. “I know that I have replaced him as logic, and that is all, I know that you all will have to take time and get through this new development. I am here instead of Logan, because he needed my help to show all of you something that you couldn’t see.” Apathy sternly said, still standing there like a tree against the gale force of a storm. 

“See what?” Roman felt almost too scared to ask at this point, and yet he did so anyway. 

“That he wished he could hate you too, but even now he can’t. Which is why I’m here, he was too soft to tell you. But I am not. Your actions are hate-worthy, all of you are hate-worthy.” Apathy’s face remained ever unchanging at this revelation, even as Roman’s pallor paled extensively.

“Up until the point you prove me otherwise.” 


End file.
